Trader Joe’s Turkey “Meatloaf Muffins”

Trader Joe's Turkey "Meatloaf Muffins"
Let me tell you something.

Meatloaf is a favorite of mine. Meatloaf is a great meat, along with bacon and a medium-rare steak. Meatloaf, which is nearly guaranteed to satisfy, is what I order when I go out for dinner at a diner. If the meatloaf turns out to be bad I won’t trust their other food. I have made it a habit of judging entire establishments solely on their meatloaf. A homemade meatloaf dinner is my favorite. I also love a good sandwich, especially a piece of American cheese and a piece of white bread. It’s simple and delicious. It should come as no surprise that it’s delicious. If I could eat meatloaf every single day for the rest my life, I’d be a happy man.

TJ’s has never sold me anything that I was not apprehensive about buying or (even more so) eating.

I had so many concerns about this. They’re called “meatloaf-muffins” and have the quotation marks clearly visible on the package. The word meatloaf can’t be put in quotation marks. Then they are called muffins. The box’s picture led me to believe that the mashed potato served a frosting-esque purpose. This, alliteration aside, makes them a muffin. Cupcakes can be decorated with frosting while muffins are simply naked cupcakes. Take a look at it. The meatloaf itself is made of ground turkey. While I love turkey burgers, some things are better served with beef. Meatloaf, is one of these. End of story.

Anyways, I was babysitting Sandy on Thursday night and finally got the nerve to try them out. She was hesitant to try one of these terrible boys. I don’t blame her. I was also skeptical. I promised myself that I would try to like them and that there must be something positive about them. It’s Trader Joe’s and it’s meatloaf. They were delicious, and I tried to like them.

Oh, man.

First, Trader Joe’s pushes the concept of a muffin a bit too far. They come in a plastic muffin tin. Since they are frozen, I needed to use a knife to remove one of the meat cakes. Their preferred method of cooking is to heat them in the microwave for 2 minutes. It is absolutely not recommended that meatloaf ever be microwaved. Because Trader Joe said it was the best, I microwave it anyway. The microwave dings and I take a bite.

Again, oh man.

Trader Joe’s is an excellent source of product selections. But when they fail, it’s epic. These are the Titanic. These are bland and tasteless. Actually, the spinach squeezed between the meats was what I liked the most. The spinach was also limp and watery. It was almost gross. The potatoes were clearly of the powdery box variety. They were also kind of grainy and lacked the Parmesan flavor they were supposed to have. The meatloaf was… I wept. It was terrible, totally devoid of any flavor. I tried a small piece of it, and it tasted bland. But when I examined it closer, it was still pinkish. It wasn’t even fully boiled.. You can do that with burgers and steaks, but meatloaf should not be eaten raw. The “meatloaf”, (definitely use quotation marks to refer to this junk), reminds me of canned catfood in its appearance, taste, texture, and texture. Absolutely disgusting. It’s just awful. It’s so bad that I would rather eat Spam from cans.

I was planning to eat another one just to be sure (and to see if there was any hot sauce that could save them), but then my eyes wandered to the Nutrition Facts panel. My fat and cholesterol accounted for more than 20%. I can get my daily sodium intake in one of these. Although I am not a prude about this stuff, I have to admit that it is worth the risk. I settled on the traditional bachelor option, a bowl of cereal with a beer. Let’s not forget the price ($6 for four boxes = $1.50 per each) and I can say that TJ’s has a great return policy. I don’t have anything positive to say about these. TJ’s sells enough quality products that I don’t think they are bad company. However, if I were to purchase this product for the first time, I’d not buy from them again.

To sum it all, I will not do these things, but I would do anything to get ‘loaf’. Never again.

Bottom line: Zero out of 10 Golden Spoons