Trader Joe’s Trader Potato Tots

Trader Joe's Trader Potato Tots
Xerox. Kleenex. Scotch Tape. Scotch Tape. These are all terms that are very common and are commonly used. If someone asks you for Kleenex, you will know to give them one, regardless of whether the brand is trademarked.

But tater tots?

Excuse me, I mean Tater Tots™.

Yes, Ore-Ida actually trademarked the term Tater Tots™ to refer to those little, crispy, semi-greasy, hot, salty, irresistible cylindrical logs of tasty, potatoey goodness known by any good red-white-and-blue-blooded kid ever subjected to cafeteria food in the past fifty years. The same goes for most adults. I have yet to meet anyone who doesn’t enjoy a big, delicious serving of tots. And if someone were to be found, I would assume that they either grew-up in a cave or on the moon, or both. Most likely, both.

But trademarking is sometimes a bit unfair, I think. For instance, Trader Joe’s wants to make Tater Tots™, and can’t call them that for legal reasons, although they are universally colloquially known as such in the parlance of our times. They have to think of a different name, and the best they can come up with is “Trader Potato Tots.” You can say it five times fast, but it’s harder if you have a lot of them. That name has so many flaws. You would think that you could make a tot of anything else, except potatoes. I have never heard of a carrot tot, kumquattot, or broccoli tot. “Tatertot” is acceptable because it’s natural, easy to pronounce; “potatotot” is not. What is a trader potato? This conjures up an image of a potato made from tofu, which I don’t believe is possible. It may also be technically a “traitor potato”, which is just not right. Do not mess with the goodness and beauty of a potato in any of its finest forms as a tot. The best alternative for a name I can think of is Trader Tots, though I’m a pharmacy technician and not a trademark lawyer, so I don’t know if that’s consider too closely named to Tater Tots™.

Let’s forget about all this and let us just get started chomping. Keep chomping. And (I wish!) more chomping. Sandy and I, Needless to mention. Love these. They are baked up, but if we had a deep frying pan, we would fry bacon and everything else. Once they are cool enough to eat, we plow them down. We sometimes sprinkle salt on them or drizzle some hot sauce. Sometimes, we just grab a handful of them and mash them down the trachea. This is what we do most nights after working out. Sandy and me have been trying to control what we eat. So we limit ourselves to one portion of each food item. One serving of these guys contains only ten tots, according to their nutrition label. I don’t know anyone other than my wife, and a blue-haired, crotchety cafeteria lady who thinks that ten tots are a good idea. Impossible. If Trader Joe said that I could eat more than the label says, then I would be permitted. Sigh. The plus side is that you get a 2 lb bag for around $2. This will last us a while at our current consumption rate, but not by our choice.

Because I don’t want to describe what they taste like, imagine a good, delicious, and healthy tot. Tots are a classic, comforting taste that is easy to make mistakes with. This is a bit like meatloaf. However, I have had terrible meatloaf (never yours Mom or Megan), but I have never had tots that were bad. Our ranking is more indicative of how we feel towards tatertots ….. This is total love. Five from the Mrs, five from Sandy, and you can take five of mine… Sandy, I’m talking Golden Spoons. You cannot take half my tots. They are yours right now! Sandy!!!!!

Bottom line: 10 Golden Spoons out of 10.