Super Nutty Toffee Clusters from Trader Joe

Trader Joe's Super Nutty Toffee Clusters

Ah…remember the 80s? (Cue Goat Boy’s baaing). Sonia and me had an amazing conversation about the great times we had growing up in 1980’s. Two of the prime components of those glorious youthful days were Saturday morning cartoons and the breakfast cereals we’d inhale as we consumed those primitive animated TV shows—or “30 minute-long toy commercials” as some have put it. This is a cynical but not incorrect observation.

The conversation continued over Masters of the Universe, Shera and other topics. The Smurfs (before C.G.). The Shirt Tales were also mentioned. On cereals, we disagreed quite a bit. Sonia, on the other hand, preferred sugar-based cereals like Fruity Pebbles (tooth-rotting rice) and sugar-based cereals like Froot Loops (sugar-based cereals). Mexicans are passionate about their maize. However, we shared some common ground regarding tooth-rotting oats and sugar-based cereals like Lucky Charms. We both loved them.

Then, we moved on to discuss the “healthy” cereals that we eat as adults. These include Basic 4, Raisin Nut Bran, Cracklin’ Oat Bran, and Cracklin’ Almond Bran. All the classics. These classics outweigh this Nutty Toffee-nonsense. While it’s not horrible, it’s definitely not my favorite. I don’t really like the “toffee” concept, despite having a sweet tooth. I’ve eaten some Heath and Skor bars in my day, but they’re just nothing compared to Zero or Snickers. It must be the nougat. (Note to self – Invent a cereal with massive amounts of nougat. Market it as something sorta healthy.

Nevertheless, I must be at least somewhat objective. My opinion is not the only one. So, I’m going semi-objectively to describe this cereal. It is similar to Honey Bunches of Oats and Honey Nut Clusters. Flakes are light and flakey. Then there are the little clustery things. The title also includes the word “cluster”. Only, in this cereal the clusters are full of mapley-nutty-toffee-matter instead of honey-oat-matter. You could call this “Nutty Bunches of Toffee.” While I love Honey Bunches of Oats, it isn’t my favorite cereal. I think it’s a bit overrated. To love this cereal, you will have to love toffee. Nuts. And not just good nuts like almonds and pecans, but also Brazil nuts—which, in my humble opinion, are nearly as revolting as pine nuts, which are, in my humble opinion, the worst nuts EVER. Brazil nuts are the second-worst nuts EVER. Again, don’t get me wrong. I love Brazil. Brazil has two of my best friends. I lived with one of them for quite a while. That country is a great example of how to use biodiesel rather than ozone-depleting, fossil fuels. They also produce great soccer players. It’s their nuts that I don’t like.

Sonia gives Trader Joe’s Toffee-ish Clusters of nuts a 3.5. It’s good overall, but she thinks it’s too heavy. Brazil nuts are not her favorite. It gets a 2.5. If you love Brazil nuts, honey bunches of oats, toffee and other clustery do-dads then go for it.

The bottom line: 6 stars out of 10.