Expensive Dealer Joe’s Peanut Brittle,
Um, I am all the time terribly awkward relating to stuff like this. I have not been making an attempt to keep away from you. I do know you see me every time I move by within the grocery aisle, and doubtless wish to get my consideration, however I barely look over and acknowledge you. I do not discover you untasty or undesirable or something like that – fairly the other, in reality – however, I suppose, due to me and who I’m, I simply want to maneuver alongside. It isn’t you, actually not you, it is … simply me.
Let me try to elucidate. I keep in mind the primary time I noticed you, on a wood shelf brimming of promise of tastiness and further massive peanuts. You merely seemed marvelous and I couldn’t resist grabbing a boxful and bringing you residence as my wife-allotted “one deal with” for the week. However then, when you got here residence, it was again to a different wood shelf. I allow you to get misplaced in a time of do-it-yourself cookies and treats and sweets and all kinds of nice deliciousness the vacation season brings. I nearly forgot about you – I imply, I knew you had been there, however there have been snickerdoodles and buckeyes and pizzelles and chocolate mint guys and, and …. and all this different stuff. I do know you are technically not only a vacation deal with, however I regarded you as an afterthought. Please forgive me for that. I imply, I do know you are mass-produced for revenue, not lovingly, thoughtfully handcrafted like others, however that does not imply you’ll be able to’t be amazingly scrumptious as effectively.
I keep in mind after I first noticed and skilled you for what you actually are. Sandy and I had munched our approach by most of our cookies however wanted another deal with to crunch on for considered one of our lazy couch-puppy-Netflix nights. She’s the one who mentioned, you already know, perhaps it is about time we gave you a attempt. I keep in mind opening the field and foil bundle inside after which seeing you, lovely, candy, thick, nutty, salty, crunchy you, large items worthy of a number of mouthfuls blended with small pleasant bites. I’ve by no means seen a peanut brittle that seemed such as you. And your style – oh, the way it stuffed me with surprise, with salty-sweet consolation, with the considered some how, a way, all the pieces was excellent with the universe at that second (inside my mouth, a minimum of). Superb, such as you meant for under me, besides by the look in Sandy’s eyes I knew she was having the identical expertise. Right here I’m, a former journalism main, one who skilled and discovered easy methods to try to convey ideas and truths into phrases on a web page, and but I really feel a battle to even phrases that sound like what I believed at that second and time.
I do know this sounds over-dramatic, and maybe a bit of foolish as a result of our time collectively was so quick (was it even ten minutes earlier than Sandy and I ate each little bit of you we had?), however I believe I really like you. No, I do. I do love you. You’re excellent, completely excellent, and for these temporary moments we actually shared, I’ll treasure perpetually.
However there’s me right here too. I do know it could be powerful so that you can perceive, being an inanimate meals product and all, however I can not purchase you once more, a minimum of not frequently. I simply do not feel like I can management myself round you. If I purchase you once more, you would be gone earlier than I parallel-parked the Subaru outdoors my entrance door. There is a cheap probability you may not make it by the checkout line. Moms purchasing there must defend the eyes of their young children from the sight of the wild-eyed, pink bearded man who couldn’t cease from shoving you into my mouth. Sandy must resolve between grabbing her personal boxful or taking me on in a Starvation Video games-esque loss of life match for you. And we simply cannot have that. That, and I am unsure how effectively you slot in a wholesome balanced weight-reduction plan that I attempt to delude myself into considering that I eat.
It isn’t you. It is me. It is a cliche, I do know, however so true. I would like you however know I can not have you ever.
Please perceive if subsequent time I’m going to Dealer Joe’s, I do not purchase you. I am going to attempt to a minimum of smile and nod in your path, however even that, I concern, could tempt me past my boundaries. Please know what you’ve got meant to me, and know that so long as I stroll this earth, I’ll in all probability by no means ever discover a peanut brittle as scrumptious, crunchy, nutty and satisfying as you. By no means change.
From my coronary heart,
Critically, these items is the shiznit. Purchase at your personal threat. Double fives.
Backside line: 10 out of 10 Golden Spoons