Trader Joe’s Classic Lager Name Tag

Trader Joe's Name Tag Classic Lager
Sandy and I couldn’t do much but look at each other and make a squizzical face. The weekend we were at a resort in Ohio. On Saturday night, when Sandy and I ordered Sprites again, the waitress brought them out in small cups. They were then placed in our glasses right in front of our eyes. It would have been quite obvious if we were not the only ones there. I’ve never seen anything like it before. It was an acceptable way to get a refill on a drink. However, it did make me feel a bit more confident about our decision not to take the timeshare spiel at the “unbeatable cost” and “tremendous” earlier in the day.

The weekend was not a complete loss. It’s great to spend some time with your partner, and it’s always fun when a buffalo gets its head stuck in your vehicle window while on a safari drive. True story. You can also buy certain products at Trader Joe’s, but not as much as the citizens of Ohio.

The beer fairy should have told me to stop bothering with the Name Tag Classic Lager. It’s so terrible that Trader Joe did not even put his name on it. But, like the child with muddy boots standing on a messy floor, it is clearly his fault. It’s his. Look at the font and the flower. It’s horrible. Listen, I went and lived near Pitt campus in Pittsburgh for awhile, and was sometimes broke. Learn moreWhat crappy beer tastes. This might be the worst thing about beer. The first sip of ice cold water I took tasted nothing but a faint, sickly sweetness at end. It was quite gross. The next few sips were bitterly bitter and tasteless, if it’s possible. It finally got to the point that I could taste what it tasted like, and it was exactly the same as the metallic contents of the can. The taste of this sour, super light, and nastastic, watery liquid was so lacking in flavor that it couldn’t help but to take whatever aluminum can it could. It was only the second time that I’ve ever had this beer. This stuff is horrible. To make matters worse, my wife was the only one to show up. No parties broke out and no one pointed out the other “unmanly” things I had done that day (like stop at a gas station and ask directions), and no silver bullet train ran through our living room. There’s nothing like that when people are drinking other bad beers on TV. I just sat there feeling numb, depressed, and making all kinds of grimacing face while drinking this horrible beer. Sandy didn’t have to taste it in order to tell that she didn’t like it. Ugh. PBR, perhaps? Beer 30 LightMy younger brother mentioned to me that it would be at most ten, if certainly not twenty times, better than this. It’s that bad. The six-pack is only $2.99, but it’s still quite affordable. I’m glad the beer fairy got us other TJ adult beverages for less than that, because otherwise the trip would have been a disaster.

It’s so bad I actually thought it was ridiculous. I was even deliberating about a score and seriously considered whether I should set a precedent by giving some. negative Golden Spoons. For two reasons, I cannot. This, or any other TJ’s product, cannot be given a negative rating. The second reason is that some of this crap-veza could be useful. I don’t mean to give the leftovers away to kids who are determined to trick-or treat in our neighborhood. When making chili in a crockpot, bad beer can often be a valuable ingredient. It’s getting colder and I feel the first batch of chili starting to come on. My sister and brother-in-law, who both had a couple of gulps before throwing out the can, were pretty much in agreement. This is all I can think of. This is the most unfair way to describe one of our worst (if it wasn’t THE worst) beers.

The bottom line: 0.5 out 10 Golden Spoons