Trader Joe’s Meatless Meatballs

Trader Joe's Meatless Meatballs

Okay, we’ll get to the point. “If Trader Joe’s makes Meatless Meatballs, shouldn’t they just be called balls? They taste like …?”? Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. I think discretion is better than valor. Nathan was a good example of this. So, I will be strategically skipping the rest of the post. Although I am not saying that I haven’t made this joke (and others quite similar to it), at least I have done so while at home eating the balls. And maybe even while shopping in the frozen aisle (poor Sandy, who blushes every time). But, yeah…my mom still reads this blog. It’s likely that there are other moms as well. Let’s keep moms happy. That’s important.

On one of our last trips, we bought ourselves a bag of frozen soybean spheres. Sandy and me have been living a meat-free lifestyle for the past several weeks. With the exception of Friday night fish frys, which we love, and feeling a lot more encouraged by the results, we are considering becoming full-time “gracious” vegetarians. We don’t really miss meat at all, and have both lost weight and felt better. I’ve also received some inspiration and ideas from them. Blog by my sisterShe’s been adapting to a very similar lifestyle. Although we don’t have all the rules, I believe meat will still be a part of our diet occasionally, especially if we are invited to eat or if there’s a craving for a hamburger. Anyways…

Trader Joe’s Meatless Meatballs. Let’s be real. These are my least favorite of all the faux meat options that we have tried at TJ’s. That speaks more to Trader Joe’s strength in fake food than it being an indictment. They taste good enough. In fact, I would say they are very similar to real meat meat balls (and we have had many of those). They are too crumbly and soft, almost like they have no structure. It broke in half when I tried spearing one with my fork. You don’t even have to chew them – I literally smashed one against the roof of the mouth with my tongue, and it was ready for me to take the hatch out almost immediately. When I eat meat, or a decent facsimile thereof, I want to be capable of using my canines and molars the way God intended. You won’t find such an opportunity.

Sandy, Sandy was more texture-sensitive than the other one. “If I were vegetarian, these would be acceptable, but they don’t make me want meat alone,” she said. I agree. They’re not horrible, but these albóndigas dementiras could be much better with a little more bite to them. We are unable to afford more than a mediocre, meh response to them, compared to what Trader Joe’s offers as a virtual meat cornucopia.

Bottom line: Trader Joe’s Meatless Meatballs have a 5.5 rating out of 10 Golden Spoons